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Rejection hurts, especially when it comes from your dream college. I know because I have been there. Years ago (don’t ask how many!), my dream was to attend Stanford University. I spent considerable time at the university because I had a friend who was a student there. I fell in love with the campus and knew it was the place for me. After auditioning (voice) and submitting my application, I waited anxiously for my fat envelope. Unfortunately, a skinny rejection letter came instead. Like any other student who has received one of these notoriously blunt letters, I spent hours trying to figure out where I went wrong. Were my grades not good enough? Did I take the wrong electives? I doubted everything I had done regarding my education up to that point. Of course, my parents tried their best to console me, but I didn’t want to hear that ‘maybe it was for the best.’ I eventually ended up at another college and did have an amazing experience, but it took some time for me to get over the pain. I just wish someone had shared some ‘real’ advice on how to deal with a college rejection letter, so I didn’t waste so much of my time being angry and disillusioned by the process.
If you search the Internet, there are a slew of ‘helpful’ articles on the subject of rejection letters, but I find most them patronizing. You just had your dreams crushed, so telling me that I shouldn’t take it personally is a joke. Instead, I offer these ‘real’ suggestions for dealing with your college rejection letter.
1. Scream, Shout…Let it Out!
Don’t pretend that rejection doesn’t hurt; it won’t dull the pain and it won’t change the outcome. Instead, go ahead and step into your backyard and let out a huge scream. Scream loudly, scream with conviction…just scream! If you still feel angry over the letter, head to the gym or take a long run, putting all that energy into something positive may help reduce some of your frustration over having your dreams crushed. It’s also perfectly fine to have a good cry or eat a pint of your favorite ice cream. It never feels good to hear that you aren’t good enough, so take some time to process it and let it out.
2. Misery Loves Company
Guess what? You are not alone. I know it may feel like everyone else is getting into the college of their choice, but most have probably received a rejection or two, as well. Some students in California actually started a ‘Rejection Wall’ (awesome idea!) on their campus. Students taped up their rejection letters and it wasn’t long before the wall was completely covered. There’s definitely some comfort in knowing so many other people are going through the same thing. Consider sharing your rejection with your friends, starting a Facebook page for students who have been rejected by your college, or even writing a rejection letter to the college, letting them know that they’ve let an awesome student slip through their fingers! Sharing your pain will not only help you get over the rejection, but it may also help others, too.
3. Create a New Dream
If you asked me in high school what I wanted to be, I would have said an actress or maybe even a veterinarian. In my twenties, I dabbled with the idea of going to law school. What’s my point? Dreams can change. Although you may feel that one college is the ‘only’ place for you, the truth is that you can make your dreams come true anywhere. It’s sort of like going out for ice cream; you head to the shop with the intent of buying one specific flavor, something you have been craving all day, only to find when you get there that there are all these other great options to choose from, and you leave with a completely different flavor. Yes, you probably would have been satisfied with your original choice, but you are just as happy with your new and unexpected flavor. College is no different. Let go of your first choice and find a new dream.
4. Believe in Yourself
One of the toughest things to get over was the lingering doubt that I was not good enough to be accepted to the college of my dreams. I figured that if they didn’t want me, I should probably just give up on college all together. Wrong! Although a rejection letter seems to be screaming “you’re not good enough,” it really has nothing to do with you. There are only so many spots available, so even if you have perfect grades, amazing test scores, and a high school transcript that rocks, you still might receive a rejection letter. Fortunately, there are other colleges that would be thrilled to have you on their campus, so share your talents and skills with an institution that will truly appreciate the amazing person you are and believe in your ability to succeed.
It can be very difficult letting go of our dreams, especially after putting forth so much effort and time to make those dreams come true. Feeling angry, hurt, or even worthless is a natural reaction to being rejected. Allow yourself some time to grieve, but don’t let the decision of some college dictate your future; you are so much more than a test score or a college application. Just remember that you are the key to your success – you just have to find the right door to unlock. Once you do, it will open to a whole new world of opportunities and dreams.